Play Party Etiquette

Play Party Etiquette
by Non-Famous Lauren
http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/ppetique.html

The following document contains some valuable information about BDSM play party etiquette. It was written for users of the Usenet newsgroup alt.sex.bondage, and is intended to cover both events held in public spaces and events held in private homes. Although not every suggestion here is relevant to every situation (for example, it is not generally necessary to bring food to public fetish nights held in public spaces or to hang around to clean up after these end), the basic ideas of "not touching anyone or their toys without permission", "not interfering with scenes in progress", etc. are pretty much universal.

The following is an edited post I've been asked to repost to ASB many times. The goal of this post is not so much to state playparty "rules" as to describe playparty customs and etiquette that often are not stated in the rules.

Etiquette customs differ slightly in different circles. Even in the ASB group, I have seen different etiquette styles on the opposite coasts. But some pretty uniform rules of thumb for etiquette include:

Do not touch people, even in what you think of as a friendly way (like touching someone's arm in conversation) without asking permission. In some circles, hugging even strangers hello and goodbye seems to be the norm---watch and see if someone goes to hug you or if you are invited to do so. But in most BDSM circles I know of, hugging someone in even a casual way without the prior verbal assurance it is welcome is considered overstepping the bounds. And just because a woman (or man) is standing naked next to you getting a soda and smiling does not make it ok to stroke the person's ass---in fact, it is not ok to stroke even the person's arm! The working assumption is that touch of any kind is not ok without asking. On the other hand, asking to hug or shake hands or look at the piercing someone is flaunting is certainly acceptable and not considered an offense in any way, just so long as the asker does not act offended if the answer is not what he wanted to hear.

Leave space for the top to move, swing a flogger, etc. during a scene. If the room is too crowded, stand against the far wall or leave the room. If the top asks you to move, then move! In most play circles, if you get close enough to disturb the scene, the top would be within his rights to swing the whip at you.

Be quiet while scenes are going on, or go to the social space to chat! The admiring or joking comment you think you are quietly whispering to the person sitting next to you is often heard by the bottom or top, whose senses are sometimes hyper-tuned and on edge. Would you want someone to whisper something about you right before you reach the point of orgasm? Be polite, and don't talk or whisper. Yours could be the remark that ruins a wonderful scene for someone.
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